Trying to Find God

About a year ago I was in a fairly ordinary place. Even though I am married with two kids, I was trying to find my sense in the world, and a meaning to what the situation our family had been met with meant.  I felt a sense of loneliness as I was spending my days with a child who is unable to communicate – and not having many friends, I had few people to really speak to other than my immediate family.

I grew up in a household that didn’t really religion in regards to the belief of God and Jesus, but still followed the principles of life that you must lead a good one. Do unto others as they would do onto you.

It was at a friend’s wedding (happy anniversary to them for yesterday), a deeply religious one that I felt this nagging jealousy. These people were lovely people. Good people. I that night, briefly met with, and had a brief conversation with the pastor that married them, and asked if he would mind if I met with him at a later time. He was very happy to hear this, and to my word, I met with him a couple of weeks later. With the bible I had purchased with me. We spoke for about an hour about life, mine, his and our pasts. A few weeks later I went to a church service. I still didn’t feel anything.

Part of me so desperately wants to have this faith, but another part of me finds the bible so questionable. Finding time to sit and read it completely is also hard due to my timetable of life. I’m sure if I read more of it I would find the answers to life that I am looking for.

For me faith is a gift I have not yet received, and I will continue to live the life of the correct morals, I hope that one day I can hear God speak to me, and give me the guidance needed to get through this life we live – especially in the frightening world we are experiencing in this month of March 2020.

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